Misconceptions About Forgiving Others
What are those big red spots all over your neck? Why are you clawing at your arms? Why are you staring off into space?”
I wanted to yell at the person asking me those questions, “It is none of your business!”
You see, deep down inside of me, I knew the answer to all those questions; it was my insides making their way to the outside of my body, because of bitterness and unforgiveness.
In short, I was not passing on to others what Christ had done for me. The Bible says: “Make allowances for each other’s fault, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others” (Colossians 3:13 NLT).
Unforgiveness was definitely affecting my physical and emotional health, but most of all, it was hurting my relationship with God.
So, what was I to do? First of all, I had to relearn some misconceptions I had picked up along the path of life as to what forgiveness really meant.
Forgiveness is a choice; an act of the will; not an emotion. I discovered that it was not about what the other person had done that hurt me, it was all about me releasing myself from the bitterness and grudge that I had held against someone. To do that, I had to make a choice not to go by my feelings.
Come with me to the Garden of Gethsemane on the night of Jesus’ betrayal by Judas. Knowing it wasn’t long before He would be arrested by the Roman soldiers, He went to the garden to pray. When He arrived, He fell on His face, crying out, “My Father, if there is any way, get me out of this. But please, not what I want. What do you want?” (Matthew 26:39 MSG).
People don’t have to tell you they are sorry before you forgive them. For example: Some will be stubborn and self-righteous and never confess they were wrong. Some will move away, and perhaps you you’ll never be able to speak with them again. Some will die before they confess and repent. By waiting for others to show remorse or agree that they have offended us before we forgive them, could cause us to waste a lifetime.
Forgiveness Does Not Always Mean Reconciliation. Sometimes people think they have to get back into the relationship and be reconciled when they forgive. This was my biggest hang-up. But, after much research, I found out that it is not true. Reconciliation is a two-way street and both parties must be willing to reconcile.
Another reason that reconciliation may not be possible is the elements that make up a relationship, such as: honor and respect toward one another, trust must be re-established. If any of these elements are missing, then the relationship has been broken, and repentance (change) should take place before the relationship is reconciled.
We must give people mercy and forgive them, but it must be joined with a repentant heart before reconciliation takes place. Dan Allender stated in his book, Bold Love, “reconciliation is never meant to be cheap grace.”
Gaining knowledge about these three misconceptions changed my emotional and physical health, as well as my relationship with others and the Lord.
Reflection
1. Do you carry unforgiveness in your heart? A good way to tell is to ask yourself the question, “what is it that still sticks and pricks me to talk about?”
2. Other than the three misconceptions mentioned in the devotion, what are other hang-ups you might have, such as: (1) I will never forget what they have done to me (2) They are not sorry they hurt me (3) They don’t deserve to be forgiven
3. Meditate on the scripture in Colossians 3:13 and explain what it means to you. “Make allowances for each other’s fault, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”
Goal Setting & Sharing
What goals are you ready to make to start the process of forgiving others?
Make allowances for each other’s fault, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. (Colossians 3:13 NLT)
