6 Things To Do When You Discover Dishonesty in Your Marriage
Whether it’s a little white lie or a big ugly betrayal, dishonesty in your marriage will pull the rug right out from under you. Here are some healthy steps to take as you try to get back on your feet.
Take a Deep Breath – This may sound trivial but you desperately need oxygen in your brain. Crisis will trigger the fight or flight mechanism sending all the oxygen in your body to your large muscle groups. Oxygenate your thought-processing center with 10 slow, deep, belly breaths. The more rational you can be in this moment, the better.
Remember Your Vows – I know what you’re thinking. Seriously Lynn? You’re telling me that in the face of a breach in trust I should remain loyal? Yes, and here’s why – acting out in anger or revenge only adds guilt and shame to the disappointment and pain. Disregarding your own commitment, although tempting, would only create more suffering.
Be Thankful For Truth – It may not feel this way, but after dishonesty is exposed - a relationship is actually in a better place then when the secret was safely tucked away. Our therapist always said, “Intimacy causes short-term instability.” Knowing the truth will shake things up for a while, but you have a better chance of long-term relational health when the truth is known.
Look For Hope – You are not alone. You probably know someone or at the very least, you know someone who knows someone who has faced dishonesty in his or her marriage. Look for hope in another person’s story. Dishonestly is difficult but not necessarily a deathblow.
Ask For Help –We all bring baggage into marriage. We drag along our childhood hurts and our unrealistic expectations. Having a mentor or counselor who can look at our relationship with unbiased perspective provides great insight. Read books, check local churches for marriage classes and don’t be afraid to seek professional counseling. Therapy is cheaper than divorce and the vast majority of couples who work through issues are glad they didn’t give up.
Believe in Change – Cynicism says that no one ever really changes, but that is not reality. One of the amazing things about human beings is that we have the ability to grow and change. Although the lessons are agonizing and come with a price, mistakes and failures are some of life’s most powerful teachers. Be confident that people DO change and trust can be rebuilt.
If the dishonesty you’ve discovered is infidelity, please visit AffairRecovery.com They have helped thousands of couples find restoration after betrayal. They know the pathway to healing and understand how to help couples find hope and freedom.
CW Writer Lynn Marie Cherry, Author has published her first book:
~ Keep Walking,
40 Days to Hope and Freedom after Betrayal
Join us at Cotone Clothing + Beauty Bar
Monday, September 26th 6:00- 8:00 pm
FREE EVENT!!!!
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Beauty Bar Touch Ups with Jentri Quinn make up + skin
~ Swag Bags ~ Giveaways ~ H’orderves
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Benefiting Created Woman & Sole Hope
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