Impressions of the Intermission
You can allow the healing process to be a learning process
My parents have always demonstrated to me the importance of doing what needs to be done to provide for themselves and their families. I graduated high school at sixteen and moved out at seventeen. I was certain I had figured everything out and was nearly invincible. Yet through all the trials and tribulations, nothing prepared me for the physical hindrance I was about to endure.
In January, I had surgery to repair three hernias I sustained as a teenager and a young adult. The morning of my surgery, I began crying right before they were about to take me back. I had never been under anesthesia before and was terrified of what would be awaiting me on the other side of the operation. I was reassured that everything would be okay; I trusted the surgeon, the nurses and the anesthesiologist.
When I got home and was coherent again, it was like starting from square one. I could barely stand on my own, much less walk without help. My husband even had to pull my pants down and back up when I went to the bathroom because I couldn’t bend over that far. I couldn’t rotate my body while I was lying down without assistance. Feeding my dogs and playing with them wasn’t happening. As a homeschool teacher and tutor, it was destroying me to not have sufficient mental stimulation. I was taking pain medicine every four hours and the time seemed to float away as I slept on the couch most hours of the day.
I allowed myself to become discouraged at the thought of how long this recovery would take. I had to realize how important it was for me to celebrate all of my small triumphs, and that it was okay for me to be comforted by my progress and the love of my husband and parents. I thought I was robbing those around me from the ability to experience their day how they chose to. I felt guilty that they were giving up their time to support and take care of me. I wanted to be happy, but I just couldn’t bring myself to be. I was not mean to them, but I was not joyful either. I was ill-mannered and slightly melancholy.
I am here to tell you that it is okay. It is okay to be vulnerable and have a passionate conversation with a loved one about your struggles. You have to remember to forgive yourself when your mind or body fall short of your expectations. I learned that it was crucial for me to forgive myself for my negative and pessimistic thoughts.
I am still recovering, though I am more independent for my daily tasks. I still don’t have it all together. I am so used to living such a fast-paced life that I sometimes cringe at the idea of just sitting to allow my body the time it requires to rest and recuperate. Yet the Lord makes us promises in times of weakness, which led the Apostle Paul to write the following: “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Cor. 12:9-10)
Reflection
1. Recall a time when you required time to heal. What were the emotions you felt during that process?
2. Did you retract from the world or did you discuss your thoughts with others during your recovery? If you retracted, why did you do so? If you discussed your thoughts with others, with whom did you share them?
3. Were there any moments during your recovery where you learned something about yourself, your faith or your life?
Goals
What are three helpful ways you can handle weakness in your daily life?
Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. (James 1:12 ESV)
You then, my child, be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus, and what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men, who will be able to teach others also. Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. (2 Timothy 1:3 ESV)
Podcast #23
Nadine Matthews shares her story of being a part of a hate crime and how God used that season of her life to heal her emotionally, mentally and physically.
