Identity is not Based on Performance
Identity is based on your worth in Christ, not how well you perform.
My friend called me recently crying her heart out. Through her sobs, I could hear her saying, “I feel like such a failure. Everything I have tried to do to help my husband with his health problems are not working. He is bedridden, has dementia, has no voice of his own to speak for himself, and I am his only advocate. I fear that I am failing him.”
And now, may I introduce you to my friend. I won’t name her in order to maintain her privacy, so my introduction will be in the form of telling you about her situation. Her description of her husband’s health is accurate to a point; the list of his health concerns is actually longer. Thankfully, she does have caretakers, but she has the sole responsibility of making all decisions, paying bills, wrestling with Medicare and doctors, ordering groceries, and the list goes on and on. Many people have been confronted with these same chores when taking care of their loved-ones, but my friend’s case is a little different. You see, she is 99% blind. Knowing this, I began to cry with her because I could feel her pain, as she sobbed into the phone.
However, as close friends, we made a pact years ago that we would always tell each other the truth when one of us is overwhelmed with a problem. Our agreed upon pact is, “Don’t tell me what you think I want to hear to make me feel better; tell me the truth about myself.” And so it was, I encouraged her a few minutes between sobs by saying, “You have nothing to fear; you are not a failure; you have done the best you could do with your disabilities.”
And then, I began to speak truth into her. Our conversation went something like this:
“I am sure you remember the old pattern you were caught up in for years. You used to take great pride in being a perfectionistic. Everything you did had to measure up to perfection or you felt you had failed. I know you remember the day you learned that is a lie from Satan. You know that your self-worth is measured by who you are in Christ, not your performance. You are backtracking today into that old pattern. You have a new identity; you are not a failure. Got it?” (Concept taken from Search For Significance by Robert McGhee.)
At that point, the sobbing stopped, and she said, “Thank you, my friend, for reminding me of that.”
And then, the raging storm within her ceased, and scripture after scripture began flowing from her, starting with “For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you” (Isaiah 41:13 NIV).
Our phone call ended, and I knew she was going to be alright. Her identity had been restored.
1. What have you based your identity on in times past? (the roles you play as wife, mother, teacher, etc.)
2. How did you feel when you felt you were not measuring up to a particular role?
3. Share a scripture that speaks to you about your identity in Christ.
For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. (Isaiah 41:13 NIV)
Martha Bush
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