What if I'm Not Brave Enough?
I was catching up on Instagram with a glass of red wine in bed winding down from the day. The baby has been asleep for a couple hours and through images of funny faces and inspirational quotes I gave myself a mental high five that I've conquered the daunting milestone of sleeping through the night - glory! I take my last sip and feel my eyes expanding outward like a cartoon character. One of my favorite profiles turned 24 today. My heart dropped. She's accomplished and beautiful, has a striving business, her family is darling - the list goes on. She's only 24. I'm 31. And I've done nothing with my dreams and purpose.
I allowed my life to pass me by. It's like I'm sitting on the beach lazily gazing at the waves crashing when I see a bottle (probably with a message for me) but instead of getting up and catching it, I watch it disappear. Oh well, there goes my dreams.
I've been fighting it, ignoring it, throwing it back into the abyss because I'm scared out of my mind. I hate to admit it because I feel that it makes me look weak, lazy, and honestly pathetic. You watch others and begin to tell yourself lies that you'll never catch up, you'll never do it as good as they have, it's already been done, who will even care.
Bravery takes guts in all areas of our lives - motherhood, being a wife, being single, building a career, moving oversees, having vulnerable relationships, fighting self-worth and insecurities. It takes guts to be brave, to put down the excuses and insecurities and stomp on the lies we've believed for so long.
But you know what, we have to suck it up, buttercup.
You don't think it took Jesus some major guts to get up on that cross. And he couldn't have done it without his loving and faithful Father. Jesus knew his purpose. He didn't question whether he had the courage or not, he just walked alongside his beloved Father, laughed and chatted, enjoyed each other's company, and had some serious real talk conversations when it was time to be brave.
Sometimes I would rather retreat, pour myself another glass of wine and binge watch
Fuller House avoiding all effort to bring forth the brave vibes. It's too much. Just too much. Standing up and being brave is like a workout really. You get sweaty and out of breath. You want to consume a stack of pancakes like you've just ran a marathon.
However, if we think that bravery equals showing a piece of Jesus, what do we have to be afraid of? We love Jesus. And we want others to love him and know him like we do. We fight. We commit. We be intentional and show up. We show up so we can show Him. We give Jesus away while we
"Go" (read Heather's journal entry) because without bravery, we'll never know and love the world and the people in it as richly as it longs to be known.
So lets quit nursing our fears. Instead lets root ourselves in the Word and solid relationships to gather strength and wisdom to conquer our fears and stand brave.
God is asking, "Do you want to work with me?"
"Because I want to work with you. Let's build something, create something, teach something, learn something, play something, go somewhere - let's be brave together and go on an adventure."
Why would you want to limit yourself? God sure doesn't.
Make the decision the just trust that you have what it takes. Let God be God and show up and watch your brave muscles get stronger. Even if it does mean you have to sit down and have serious real talk conversations with God and your people. You don't have to have it altogether or be superhuman. The awesome truth is that
"The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights. For the director of music. On my stringed instruments."
Habakkuk 3:19