The next day as I filtered through the gifts I had been given, it was very clear my friends knew me very well. Each gift had so much thought put into it and as a girl whose love language are gifts; that meant the world to me. One particular gift I received was a black journal with fancy writing and gold letters (you know I love) that read, “It’s kind of a big deal.” With pages and pages of blank lines, I knew this would be the journal I would write the pages of my 40th year, my hopes and dreams and answered prayers. It was as if the very thought that had been churning over and over in my heart and mind that this decade would be the decade that would be a force to be reckoned with and everyone needed to watch out was spelled out in gold letters! This was it. This was the journal that would hold all the secrets because life was about to become a big deal!

Then January hit. I had my plans laid out. Both girls would be going to school, Hope for the first time, Monday, Wednesday and Friday and I would get up early on each of those three mornings to workout before anyone rose. I would work during the day pursing writing, speaking, and all things Created Woman and on Tuesday and Thursday, the intentional mother would rise to the occasion.

But then, like every new school semester when kids gather in one room, sickness begins to infiltrate. It attacked our house like a roaring lion. And so as the story goes, two of the four weeks in January sick kids have stayed home from school and I’ve been in bed myself once. On top of sickness, we’ve had a few sleepless nights due to a teaching baby getting her big molars. I tell you the truth; mamma isn’t a pleasant person without sleep! So between sickness and babies growing, there’s been no consistency and all my well laid out plans have not seen any sort of success. My big deal has turned into no deal!

Frustrated that I was one week away from February wondering when 2016 would actually begin for me, (you heard my whine last week so I won’t go there again) a friend stopped by in the middle of my whiny week to drop off something and we sat for a few moments to chat as I put away groceries. It was then in that moment that she slapped me across the face. Well, not literally, but may as well have been. As she spoke about some volunteer work she had been doing, she causally said, “I don’t think they realize that it’s spiritual warfare.” After she said that statement it hit me, “Oh my God I’m such an idiot!”

I had just told the world in my last journal entry how confused I was since I had been seeking so much wisdom and direction only to wonder why there was no break through. Well, DUH!

It’s not about me. I’m not the big deal.

All this time I had been focusing on me, what I could do neglecting all the things I need to pray against. Of course there’s an enemy that wants to stop the plans on my life! Whether it’s sickness in my kiddos, becoming too busy with other things to check off my list to feel accomplished, financial loss, or even tensions in my marriage, we can all look at those things that I’ve done – we’ve done. And yes, we do have to take responsibility for our decisions so please don’t misunderstand.

But, when you know that you are in a season of pursing the very dreams God has put on your life, there will be trials that look like minor aches and pains and some that come in the form of major challenges in our life. When you know your purpose, see the vision, and are pursing the call of God on your life, there will always be things that will fight against you. We must hit to our knees and fight the battle. Yes, it’s been won, but the forces are there and we have been given the tools to win every day! There is an enemy that’s real and fights hard to stop you for succeeding, especially when it’s the very thing God has designed you to do.

So, I’m ready to fight this year. I want to live abandoned and intentionally pursing the call of God on my life and that’s going to take a fight that’s worth fighting.

So thank you my friend for gently reminding me that it’s not about me, but about getting on my knees and fighting the battle that’s not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. (Ephesians 6:12)

I’m sure I’m not the only one feeling stuck. Fighting against people. Feel spiritually defeated. Well here’s your reminder or, slap in the face - it’s not about you but about hitting your knees and fighting the good fight. So today, pull out that journal you started at the beginning of the year and write down the scriptures you need to pray every day to fight the fight. To help you get started, I’ve attached a link below of a chapter in Psalm I’ve been praying and I know it will help you too.

Because this year for you too, is the year you will see dreams come true. Because it’s not about you, but about the legacy you are building and leaving behind for generations come.

And that is kind of a big deal!

Journal entry #4✅