Created to be seen & known in intimate relationship

         For almost 7 years, I was in intense therapy due to extreme anxiety I experienced in some of my early formative relationships. Anytime I would begin to get close to somebody, I would experience crippling pain both emotionally, and even physically, between my shoulder blades that was intolerable. These feelings inevitably led me to wanting to hide from any kind of intimacy and close relationship.

            Allowing myself to be seen and known in relationships has been one of my life’s biggest struggles. After going to therapy for nearly 7 years, I not only met a great group of girlfriends, but I also met my husband, Richard. Before I could really open myself up to intimacy with my friends and with Rich, the first thing I needed was to feel secure enough to do so. What I desperately needed more of in my life was to feel safe enough to have the vulnerability it requires to be close in relationships. 

            As I studied the Bible, I noticed that when people first strayed from God’s original design and brought sin and brokenness into the world, the first thing they thought to do was hide (Genesis 3:8). They hid their bodies, and they hid from God. This really stood out to me in my morning reading time several years ago. Since then, my experiences with not only the Lord, but in my close relationships, has continuously taught me that the solution to my desire to want to hide is countered by God’s wisdom.  He covers my vulnerability within my relationship with Him, and my relationships with others.

We don’t need to hide if we’re covered.

After walking through some much-needed healing and stepping out in vulnerability, these close relationships further reinforced that it’s nearly impossible for me to hide away when I feel exposed for who I truly am. The good, the bad, the ugly, the unkept, the excitable, the dancing and singing, the moody, because all of it is safely covered by the Lord. These days with the relationships I have, I feel completely, totally, and wholly accepted and embraced in what makes me, me.

            The Lord has used my close relationships and marriage to help cover me in my vulnerability, and to feel safe as I confess when I feel afraid, inadequate, or disagree with someone. Within the safety my close relationships, I’ve been able to ask some tough questions and admit some hard truths about myself. God’s kindness and faithfulness shown in my intimate relationships, has opened me up to be more honest and transparent with friends and family.

These small but meaningful revelations of who I really am, have given so many people the opportunity to know the real me; and only when we are truly seen and known, can we be wholly and completely loved by others.

1.      What relationship in your life reinforces God’s covering over you? Who is someone in your life you can be honest, open, and vulnerable with in order to be known and seen?

2.      Is there something you perceive that needs to be healed in order to experience feeling covered and safe in relationships?

3.      What is something you hesitate to let others know about you?

The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.”

(Jeremiah 31:3 NIV)

Alex Parsons

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