A Million Contradictions
Making peace with who you are in His image
Recently, I have found myself diving into early American literature, focusing on the works of F. Scott Fitzgerald. He has a profound manner in which he characterizes the men and women in his stories, and he tells the story with such eloquent and descriptive words. “Bernice Bobs Her Hair” is a short story that was first published in the Saturday Evening Post on May 1, 1920. It tells of a time when Bernice visits her cousin, Marjorie. Bernice learns that she is not the type of girl that any guy would care to dance with, while Marjorie believes she has her social circle figured out. I’m not going to give away the ending, but the title already tells us the climax of this story. After days of peaking everyone’s interest in her by discussing the possibility of her bobbing her hair, Bernice succumbs to peer pressure when her bluff is called, chopping off her beautiful brunette hair. We don’t come to know of Bernice’s faith, but she certainly would have agreed with Proverbs 20:15.
“There is gold and a multitude of rubies, but the lips of knowledge are a precious jewel.”
I stopped in my tracks and set the book down after reading that climactic sentence. She chopped her hair off because she wanted to look good in front of these strangers. She didn’t live in the same town as them, and she didn’t have any of the same interests as them. Yet she allowed them to control her actions. Have you ever done such a thing?
It may not have been chopping off your hair to appease a group of bullies, but I can almost guarantee that you have because I know I have. Even though I am not a teenager anymore, I sometimes find myself tempted to give in to the unfounded guidance of critical people. When your identity wavers and you find yourself in a place of insecurity, you are more easily tempted to say or do things that you should not. Even in my twenties, I have been in a consistent conversation with God on what He would have me do. I’m talking about the minute details of our lives that make each of us who we are, created in His image.
One day, I had dinner with a friend of mine whom I met in the second grade and is entering her doctorate program. We got to talking about life in general. I commented that I didn’t understand how so many women our age are still running around partying, spending their money aimlessly and having one-night stands at twenty-five years old. She so wisely responded that I should not worry too much about what they are doing. Oh my gosh! She called me out right when I needed it. While those other women were having the time of their lives while they are young, other women our age have been married for five years with two kids and a career they love. Wow. I had been so superficial to compare the way I was living my life to the way in which other women were living theirs.
I realized that I was nearly envious of everyone that wasn’t me… Like Bernice, I wanted others to want to be around me. I’ve had my hair every color of the “natural” rainbow. I’ve spent money on clothes that were never me. I’ve gone out for drinks and played along like that was my norm. I’ve done some really stupid stuff to be accepted by others. And interestingly enough, those people that were appeased by my actions aren’t my friends today. It didn’t work.
Titus 3:3-5 says “For we ourselves were also once foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving various lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful and hating one another. But when the kindness and the love of God our Savior toward man appeared, not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saves us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit.”
Even when our flesh decides to compare ourselves to other women around us, we have to remember that it is vastly more important to connect with those women. It is in the connection with those women that we could be closer in our connection with God. Replacing malice and envy with kindness and the love of God is key to making peace with who you are in His image.
1 Bruccoli, Matthew Joseph, editor. “Bernice Bobs Her Hair.” The Short Stories of F. Scott Fitzgerald, by F. Scott Fitzgerald, Charles Scribner's Sons, 1989, pp. 25–47.
2The title of this blog is inspired by the lyrics of the song “I Am” written by Diane Warren and performed by Hilary Duff.
Reflection
1. Created Woman believes that faith and fashion can work synergistically in your life. List three individuals you know personally that present themselves well and are also faithful to the Lord’s Word.
2. What crazy thing(s) have you done to appease your “friends”?
3. Discuss those experiences from question 2 with one of the women you listed in question 1. What insight did you gain from that conversation?
Goals
Write one goal you can accomplish today (at home, at work, with family, etc.) that will allow you to live out your purpose in regard to Identity:
“There is gold and a multitude of rubies, but the lips of knowledge are a precious jewel.” (Proverbs 20:15 NKJV)
““For we ourselves were also once foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving various lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful and hating one another. But when the kindness and the love of God our Savior toward man appeared, not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saves us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit.” (Titus 3:3-5 NKJV)